


We Carry on Through the Storm

by Kendrickhier



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Asphyxiation, Canon Divergence, F/F, J’onn J’onzz appearance, Kara Danvers appearance, Pain, Red Kryptonite, Songfic, The Stab, Unhappy Ending, hallucination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 20:45:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19753501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kendrickhier/pseuds/Kendrickhier
Summary: What if Astra had deferred back when she faced Alex on the rooftop, even with J’onn’s interference? What if they got a chance to bond? What if nobody had to die? What if, what if, what if...Based on canon, wrapped in SVRCINA’s song Meet Me on the Battlefield.





	We Carry on Through the Storm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jesi_Ki_Kage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jesi_Ki_Kage/gifts).



> First of all, happy birthday Jess!
> 
> Hold onto that sentiment, tightly, cause this fic is gonna rip that happy feeling away real quick. Remember your prompt? Yeah. This is that prompt. Enjoy the pain! 😇
> 
> Secondly, to EVERYONE reading this: **check the tags and/or read at your own risk. You have been warned!**

The doors to Astra’s containment slide open with a hiss, revealing the woman on her knees, held down by two soldiers and General Lane in front of her, armed with a syringe of what has got to be liquid kryptonite. Alex doesn’t have the time to respond to it when Kara’s already stepped in, demanding, “what are you doing?”

Kara doesn’t get a chance to say more before she groans in pain, knees buckling under the strength of the kryptonite emitters that have clearly been turned up. Lane hadn’t taken any risks; Astra mustn’t have had any chance to fight back with these levels of radiation.

Alex is by her sister’s side quickly, offering her support to get back to her feet, as Lane shouts at her. “You can’t just come in here like that!”

“He’s right, the lights, the kryptonite’s weakening you,” she says, hoping reason can convince her to take Kara out of here. This isn’t something Alex wants her to see, would rather not see it herself either - hell, would rather it didn’t happen at all, but there is nothing they can do to stop it.

Kara had still wanted to try, though. Hadn’t trusted Lane around her aunt for even a moment.

“This is who you choose to side with?” Her attention shifts to Astra when she speaks, taking note the Kryptonian is starting to look progressively worse for wear even when he hadn’t even started with the real torture yet. There’s desperation in her eyes, looking for Kara to do something, anything, but most of all see eye to eye with her. “Against your own people? Your own family?”

Kara responds in kind. “Stop it,” she tries, “you’re hurting her!”

“I’m sorry, was she more forthcoming when you asked nicely?”

He has a point, Alex can see that, but this isn’t right. “There’s another way to save Hank.”

“We are not releasing a combatant of this threat level.”

Empathy had failed, logic had failed, but Kara tries once more, aiming for his morality. “General, we are better than this!”

“We are, they aren’t. Get her out of here!”

“No, don’t! Don’t! Please!” Kara continues to plead and as Alex drags her out of there, barely keeping her own emotions in check; she isn’t sure who she’s pleading with anymore, the general or Alex herself. It pains her to do this too, even pained her to see Astra screaming, but she can’t defy his orders now, can’t leave Kara alone.

It should have been harder to stop Kara once the containment doors closed, but she stopped fighting her, continuing her pleading for Alex to do something even as she clung on. She wishes she could, but the best she can do is be there for her sister.

She has to let this happen. 

\- - - - -

_No time for rest_  
_No pillow for my head_  
_Nowhere to run from this  
_ _No way to forget_

\- - - - - 

In the end Kara did convince her to do something, even if it wasn’t until after General Astra had been responsible for the death of 6 soldiers. It was hard not to fault her for such a loss. Even if they didn’t know one another well, even if they’d been General Lane’s men, they were her brothers and sisters in arms in that moment, and they’d died in the line of literal fire.

She’d have died right next to them if it hadn’t been for Kara.

The soldier that had blocked their way would have too, and he acknowledged as much by letting them through, even as they were escorting the person responsible. He put his faith in Supergirl as she put faith in Kara to know what she was doing.

Astra kept wisely, mercifully quiet during both the interaction and the way towards the exchange. Alex hadn’t missed how her gaze was locked onto Kara the entire ride, only very occasionally shifting to her. Their eyes would lock through the rear-view mirror, and Astra’s would range from intense to questioning to a softness Alex hadn’t dared to analyze.

She’s trying very hard not to think of those moments and how her breath had gotten stuck in her throat, how those moments had felt so much longer than the brief time they actually were. She couldn’t let Astra get under her skin now, not after she caused so much death. Alex has to stay angry, she has every right to, every obligation to.

And she is. Astra doesn’t deserve her freedom after this, only deserves to stay at the DEO and rot in that cell.

She tells the woman as much before the exchange, but it’s not nearly as satisfying as she’d hoped it would be, nor does she mean it as much as she should. Kara truly did have a powerful effect on her, but as it turns out Alex hadn’t been the only victim of her conviction.

Once she was back to Non’s side and Hank back on theirs, once they were vulnerable to the ambush the Kryptonians had set up as General Lane had predicted, it was Astra that took a stand. “Stop! Stand down!”

Alex looks on cautiously, watching the altercation, not needing to hear the words that were too silent for her human ears to know that Non was trying to convince her to stick to his plan, but Astra didn’t appear willing to budge, much to his obvious grievances.

“Withdraw!”

A breath of relief; Kara’s faith had been well-placed after all, and subsequently her own. Having faith wasn’t in Alex’s nature, not after she’d seen the horrors people were capable of, but believing in Kara... It was getting easier.

The Kryptonians fly off one by one, and after one last aggrieved look Non too flies off, leaving only Astra. Her body language expresses some semblance of surprise for a moment, before it was gone and she turns towards them. “Do not mistake my compassion for weakness,” she shouts, tone and expression now carefully schooled. “This is not a truce.”

“Then let’s call it a start,” Kara shoots back.

Alex thinks she sees a hint of a smile on Astra’s face before she takes off, but it was gone so quickly it very well may have been a trick of the light. There isn’t a lot of it here at night, after all. Whether a figment of her imagination or not, it doesn’t matter.

What matters is that Astra’d offered a much-appreciated moment to breathe and regroup, perhaps even a start to ending this war.

\- - - - -

_Around the shadows creep_  
_Like friends, they cover me_  
_Just wanna lay me down and finally  
_ _Try to get some sleep_

\- - - - - 

Kara’d looked at peace, as if she was simply asleep rather than under attack by some Kryptonian bioweapon. At least it didn’t look like she was suffering, which was but a small mercy under the circumstances.

Alex’d come to Kara’s apartment to find clues as to who’d been responsible for this attack. If it wasn’t Lord, if it hadn’t been a prisoner aboard Fort Rozz, what was left?

The answer came flying to her, watching her through the mirror, and without second thought she spins around and draws her gun on Astra, shooting. Of course it had to have been Astra somehow.

She curses herself for believing even for a second that they could end this war; if Astra wasn’t above attacking her own niece, there was nothing she would stop at. Maybe it wouldn’t harm her so long as they allow it to remain attached, maybe Astra did still care that much that she wouldn’t risk her death, but it certainly took Kara out of the equation.

Magazine of regular bullets emptied - warning shots, really - she reached for the kryptonite magazine, but doesn’t get the chance to when a hand closed around her throat. The grip is uncomfortable and unyielding, but breathing isn’t impossible. More difficult, sure, but not entirely impossible; a warning in response to her own.

“I came here to help Kara, not fight,” she states, releasing Alex again as soon as the words processed.

Alex rubs her throat, breathing deeply to regain composure; she can’t let a gentle chokehold throw her off. “You tried to kill her before, why should I trust you now?”

“Kara saved me from a death without honor. As a fellow soldier, I expect you understand the meaning of that.”

It sounds like an excuse to Alex. She understands, but something tells her there is more to it than that. Still, it appeared genuine enough and she could use any help regarding Kara that she could get.

And so she let Astra explain what her twin’s AI had not been able to do. A telepathic parasite that essentially fought a war by convincing the target there wasn’t a war to begin with, showing an ideal life and convincing them it’s reality. It was certainly an effective strategy.

“I can tell you how to help her,” Astra says, “but you have to trust me.”

Trust. Trusting the general on the opposite side of the war with a life more precious than the lives of those soldiers she’d gotten killed before. Trusting Astra with a life she’d tried to take before. No matter how Alex looks at it, that sounds like a terrible idea.

But it’s also the only idea they currently have.

She was aware Astra was trying to manipulate her feelings, trying to make her feel safer in trusting her by stressing the familial connection she and Kara share, even going as far as to try to connect her and Alex herself. That hadn’t been effective, had stretched it too far, but the expression on her face as she’d said it... Maybe it wasn’t purely manipulation, maybe it was closer to the real reason Astra wants to help Kara.

Like Alex, maybe she still loves Kara too. It’s a risk worth taking. 

\- - - - -

_We carry on through the storm_  
_Tired soldiers in this war  
_ _Remember what we're fighting for_

\- - - - - 

The longer she’d thought about it, now that Kara was safe from the Black Mercy and her anger had faded, the more things had started to fall into place when it came to Astra. From their first encounter to when she’d been told she was here to save the humans, from hearing what she’d told Kara in trying to convince her to join sides to her helping to save Kara from an attack that had clearly stemmed from their side.

She didn’t have complete control of her troops, people that wanted to see Alura’s daughter dead, which Astra herself didn’t. There’d been chances, too many of them, even just letting Kara die from the Black Mercy, and she’d protected her every step of the way.

Yet when she descends from the helicopter and fires her warning shots to get away from the satellite controls, when Alex declares she hs no intention to fight her, Astra persists in the excuses that she must use to keep her men at bay. “I helped save my niece out of a sense of duty, which does not extend to you.”

Astra might want to tell herself that, but Alex knows better now. “That’s not why you helped her, you love her. That’s how I know your heart isn’t in this war anymore.”

That had been the wrong thing to say. Something in Astra shifts, and before she knew it she found herself pressed against the railing, once again wrapped up in a chokehold. “You know nothing of me!”

The Kryptonian looks furious, yet her hold is just as carefully controlled as it had been last time, not completely cutting off her airflow. A warning, once again.

“I know you’ve had plenty of chances to kill me... To kill Kara...” she chokes out, the mention of Kara earning her a snarl and threatening momentary tightening of her throat, “but you haven’t, because you don’t want to.” The grip on her throat slackens along with Astra’s jaw; she’d hit her mark.

“Give it up, Astra,” Alex continues, intending to finish it of, but the grip around her throat tightens once again - tighter this time - and her vision starts to blur. Just a little longer, she’s so close to convincing Astra. “Help us,” she manages barely, the pressure not letting up.

Her consciousness is slipping. The conflicted look on Astra’s face is the last thing Alex sees before her vision goes black entirely and her mind drifts away.

\- - - - -

_Meet me on the battlefield_  
_Even on the darkest night_  
_I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage_  
_And you will be mine_  
_Echos and the shots ring out_  
_We may be the first to fall_  
_Everything can stay the same or we could change it all  
_ _Meet me on the battlefield_

_\- - - - -_

Her vision returned violently a moment later, and she gasped for air as soon as the hand was ripped off her throat, immediately followed by a coughing fit and sagging to the ground. Astra was on the ground too, she noticed, although she’s quick to return to her feet and turned around, speaking the name of the only person she thought it could be, “Kara.”

From behind Alex could see her shoulders sag when she sees it’s actually J’onn who had dragged her away. To her credit, Astra composed herself within seconds, the disappointment substituted with defensiveness. “I thought your kind went extinct.”

“I am the last. Earth is my home now, and I will not let you take it from me.”

Alex wasn’t surprised to see her surge forward after that and launch into a fight. Something similar had provoked her last time with Kara, which made this the second time she was watching Astra fight another super-powered alien to battle it out over the fate of the Earth, both intending to save it.

It all seemed silly when put that way.

Following the aerial fight proved to be a tall task for her human senses, but Alex could see the trail of destruction they left in their wake to more or less follow along. She’d be of no help there, they’d have had to be on the rooftop with her for Alex to even be able to reach. Astra’s kryptonite inhibitor kept her from influencing things too - J’onn would aim to disable it, they’d discussed that strategy before, but in the meantime all she could do was find a strategic place to be, ready to strike if need be.

Astra managed to break away from J’onn long enough to place the box she’d tried to place before, and all Alex could do was watch it dissolve into the control panel as the general was once again dragged away into battle. They stuck to the rooftop for a few exchanging blows, before J’onn launched the both of them back into the air, Astra’s arms locked to her body due to his hold.

Alex took the opportunity to crawl over to the control panel; this was as close to being aware of the battle as she’d be and J’onn was in control for the moment, hopefully long enough for her to make it over there safely.

When she managed to take a look there didn’t seem to be any trace of whatever that box contained, or in fact the box itself. That was as much as she managed to see before the fight was back on the rooftop however, and her attention had to shift, hand on her kryptonite sword.

The first thing she saw was Astra standing over J’onn, knife to his throat.

The second thing she saw was a shift in her posture, adrenaline-fueled aggression making way for something more muted. “I have no desire to end your species, nor do I desire to kill your human agent,” Astra said then, pushing J’onn away from her, to the ground. “But I will if I must. Leave with your lives, or die by my hand. This is your only chance.”

The inhibitor’s faint blue glow reflected on his face when he looked at Alex, silently questioning on whether she wanted to take this chance or not. Much as it pained her, she didn’t see another way out of this one; they’d lost this battle, both in wits and combat.

Astra was looking at her too then, and Alex had to clench her fists when she met her gaze. No part of her wanted to just give up, even when it’s the rational thing to do. “It’s not too late,” she chose to say, even now that J’onn was present, “you could still help us.”

_“Leave.”_

Alex held her gaze a little longer, unsure if it’s a plea or a challenge - a bit of both, most likely - but Astra’s face remained unchanged. And so she sighed and turned towards J’onn, nodding once before he carried them both away.

\- - - - -

_We're standing face-to-face_  
_With our own human race  
_ _We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay_

\- - - - - 

It’s mere hours later, after a heated discussion with J’onn about Alex’s attempts to recruit Astra and many aggrieved attempts to figure out how to fight a plan they knew next to nothing about, that Astra just... showed up, asking for the director and “the brave agent that shot me”.

Naturally that hadn’t been interpreted very well, but it did take her to them in the end.

Alex walked into the containment room, J’onn by her side, so similar to just a few weeks ago when Astra’d first been in this very cell. Except this time Astra actually responded to their presence rather than attempting to ignore them; she’d call it eager if the Kryptonian didn’t look so dissatisfied to once again find herself here, exposed to kryptonite.

Still. She perked up, looking at Alex. “You’re here, I’m glad.”

“What do you want, Astra?” The agent tried to remain composed until she knew the answer to that; this could all be another ruse, one she couldn’t even begin to comprehend. They’d gotten what they wanted with the satellites, and the DEO hadn’t even the slightest clue what that could be, aside from ‘a signal’. Nothing good, that’s all they could guess.

“I wanna take you up on your offer.”

Alex blinked, staring. Her offer. Her offer for Astra to join them? She could feel J’onn’s eyes on her, could see Astra’s on her, but whereas Astra’s are all business she doubted J’onn’s are too. Needing to know for sure, she turned to look at him and found a lighthearted curiosity; that’s better than the disapproving judgment she’d anticipated.

Looking back at Astra, she was starting to lose some of her composure, fingers rubbing together even as her hands remained loosely by her side. “That is, if the offer still stands. You said it wasn’t too late, I just assumed—”

“Why?”

Astra inhaled sharply, but adapted to the interruption and answered her. “Because you were right about me. I love Kara, and it pains me to stand against her when there is no need to. I could no longer justify such things when our goals are aligned.” The frustration faded from her face then, lips quirking up, which made her look softer and almost loving. “And you’ve shown me she’s in much better company than I was.”

“How do I know this isn’t just another trick? You’ve let yourself be captured before.”

The corners of her mouth dropped then. “You’ll have to trust me. I have nothing to gain here as their general, all the pieces to win this war were already in place.”

“Were?”

“I destroyed the transmitters on my way here.”

“Right.”

So Alex mulled this over in her head. Last time she trusted Astra it had saved Kara’s life, and she made a good point on how there was nothing to gain for their side by being present here. But then again, the best way to win a war is to convince the enemy there isn’t one to begin with. She could be exaggerating their position, make the situation seem much more hopeless than it really is, lest they rely on her help, which would give her control over both sides. Or she could be speaking the truth.

“If it makes you feel any better... What is your name?”

It wasn’t the first time she’d asked, but the situation was different now. She had no idea what Astra could possibly need it for, but there wasn’t much harm in giving out her name now, so she did. “Alex Danvers.”

Astra nodded her acknowledgement, a smile briefly playing around her lips, before she met Alex’s eyes again and started citing something in her native tongue. It took a moment for Alex to process it with the Kryptonian words, caught her name mingled in, but she had the sense that knew these words, had read them before, somewhere.

Ighai, dovrrosh, vrreiahv...

It’s a vow of honor.

She remembered now, reading it in one of her father’s books, records of anything he’d been able to find. It was considered to be something ancient, something warriors had used to pledge their loyalty, depending on their specific phrasing. It had gone out of practice according to the records, had been a part of history, but Astra clearly hadn’t forgotten its use.

I vow with my honor to you, Alex Danvers, that I am here to help you. May I forever dwell in Rao’s shadow if I break this oath.

Their gazes lingered, and Alex searched her for anything beyond that painful sincerity, similar to - if not more intense than - when she’d asked for help with Kara, anything at all that indicated deception, but found nothing.

Alex swore internally.

And then she moved. Mind made up, she’s headed straight for the control panel. It only took a second for a hand to find her arm, grip firm enough to catch her attention, but still gentle enough. J’onn. Her head whipped around, just about ready to fight him off, and that fire must have been reflected in her eyes when she looked at him.

“Are you sure about this?” Is all he asked, and Alex gave him a solemn nod. Nothing could make her second-guess now. It’s enough to appease him, letting her go with a final statement, “She’s your responsibility then.”

“I know.” Before she pressed anything to release Astra, Alex threw her one more look. “You better not get me in trouble.”

“I won’t.”

It’s the last reassurance Alex needed to open up the door, even though she already knew this. Even before the oath there was a part that had already known, but the rational part of her had kept her from giving in right away. That, and she needed more justification than just a gut feeling.

And thus began the taking down of Fort Rozz escapees, Alex and Astra leading the charge. It went pretty smoothly with everything Astra knew about them, and it struck Alex just how diligent the woman really was. For all her flaws, she’s everything Alex envisions a great general to be, and she could imagine following her into battle without question had she been her superior. 

_\- - - - -_

_Our tainted history, is playing on repeat  
_ _But we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead_

_\- - - - -_

Kara joined them on missions too on occasion, and in between operations it pleased Alex to see her and her aunt reconnect. When Kara had told her what a loving aunt Astra had been while she was a child it had been hard to imagine, to reconcile that image with the general she faced on the battlefield, but she could see it now. That love she suspected Astra held for her niece was there, and then some.

They bonded too, during the quiet moments in between. Mostly talk about the day they’d shared, how well they work together, but also about how well they understand each other, and sharing their previous life experiences that made them who they are.

It’s one such day that they found themselves on the couch of Alex’s apartment together, watching some documentary on ‘the humanity’s current knowledge of this universe’. Alex found it interesting enough, the occasional tidbit being news to her whereas the rest was a pleasant rehashing of her knowledge. Astra on the other hand found amusement in it; it was both painful and hilarious to her, hearing some of their misconceptions.

Initially Alex had found it patronizing and irksome, but when asked Astra was more than willing to give her the full explanation. It instead became a pleasant experience. So pleasant, in fact, that they’d kept moving closer to each other as time went on, neither of them aware until their thighs brushed together.

Alex’s head whipped around to look at Astra. She didn’t look bothered at all, hardly looked like she noticed, only shifting her gaze to Alex questioningly when she took notice of the stutter in her heartbeat.

It was enough for Alex to relax and, now knowing Astra doesn’t mind the contact, embraced that fact; she fully leaned against Astra, cuddling up to her and getting comfortable in the position.

She didn’t see the gentle and somewhat amused smile on Astra’s face, but she certainly felt her settling into this new position too, arms wrapping around her.

It was comfortable, sitting like this. Neither of them spoke, but they didn’t have to. The documentary filled the room with sound, but to the two of them it had become just background noise, and even without it the silence would be as comfortable as basking in each other’s warmth was.

Blissful moments went by.

Alex’s heart was racing as she tried to consider what this meant, what this could mean, where they could go from here, and discovered just what it was that she wanted it to be. Astra, mercifully, didn’t call her out on it and let her sort things out for herself.

But as it went on, Alex could feel she was being watched. She leaned her head back against Astra’s shoulder, managing to turn just enough to face her, and then being utterly unprepared for just how close their faces were in this position; their breaths crossed paths, she could feel the puffs of breath on her lips, and reflexively she licked them.

They looked at each other for what felt like an eternity, and she’d caught Astra’s gaze flicking down towards her lips when she’d licked them. Were they wondering the same thing? She let herself drift closer, only slightly, and found Astra mirroring her movement.

Her heart sped up further. _Fuck it._

Alex was about to move in and close the distance between them, about to give them both what they wanted, about to kiss her, when a sudden loud tune startled them out of the moment: her phone. “Shit, I’m sorry, it’s—“

“The DEO,” Astra finished for her, a nod accompanying her words. She didn’t bother to hide her disappointment, a sentiment Alex echoed fully, nor did she hide the edge of bitterness. “I know, you better answer it.”

“Later,” she promises, before picking up. “J’onn?”

_“Alex, we need you and Astra to come in. It’s Kara.”_

_\- - - - -_

_When I was younger, I was named_  
_A generation unafraid  
_ _For heirs to come, be brave_

_\- - - - -_

The problem, as it turned out, was Kara herself. Her behavior had been off since their last joint mission; more rebellious than before, less cheerful, and now not only having let go a criminal, but she’s gone on a bit of a rampage herself. They’d thankfully already figured out that it was an artificial kind of kryptonite that had caused this: red kryptonite, manufactured by Lord.

Mercifully for Maxwell, J’onn had convinced him to work on and finish a cure before Alex could get to him.

Instead, Alex had to focus on snapping Kara out of it. She got a stun baton charged with the power to reverse the effects of it, which Alex didn’t exactly love the idea of; not only would she have to get close to Kara, she’d have to tase her own sister.

At least it’s better than having to shoot her.

“If that piece of weaponry does _anything_ other than what this Maxwell Lord claims it does, I will find him, and he will wish I’d simply kill him.” Astra’s voice dripped with venom when she’d spoken his name, and Alex truly couldn’t blame her; she’d want a piece of him herself, already did for causing the problem to begin with.

Influenced by their heightened emotions, none of them had stopped to consider that Astra may also have been exposed to the red kryptonite. She didn’t seem off, so any and all concerns regarding her acting on her emotions were simply disregarded; whereas Alura had been the one to suppress her feelings, Astra had been the one to be led by them.

It didn’t become apparent until after Astra’d had to fight Kara, to exhaust her enough to get her to keep still so Alex could infuse her with the cure. Things seemed to be going according to plan, until Kara’d brought up one particularly sore subject; the betrayal of her men and husband, how she’d abandoned them and how she could still consider herself honorable after that.

Astra somehow had managed to keep herself in check long enough to calm Kara enough and get the job done, her love for Kara outweighing her anger and need to lash out, holding Kara close while Alex could subdue her, but not long after the moment Kara was brought down she might as well have exploded.

Her rage was vocalized in a scream and Astra whipped around, looking for a target that would satisfy her anger, and Alex was the first person in sight, placing an arm on her shoulder.

“Astra, are you alright?”

It didn’t matter that her intentions were good, it didn’t matter what she’d said; she’d brought attention to herself now. The veins below her skin pulsed red for a moment, and before Alex could even think to redraw the baton from her back, Astra was on her.

The wind got knocked out of her when her back hit a railing - the same railing she’d been pushed against, before - and Astra once again held her in a chokehold. “Do I look like I’m alright?” She snarled, “I had to fight _my own blood_. I let _you_ convince me joining your side was for the best, because I wouldn’t have to be on opposite sides to my niece, _and yet you had me fight her_. There were other options, but did you consider them? No!”

“Astra... I’m sorry...” Alex managed to choke out, trying her best to get a hold of her stunstick. “This isn’t you... Let me help you...”

But Astra wasn’t listening, she just continued her diatribe. “It’s so easy, isn’t it? Just let the Kryptonians take care of the problems for you!”

Alex wanted to interrupt, she’s so close to getting her weapon out, but she couldn’t breathe. A familiar blackness crept up on the edges of her vision, which she tried to hold off as long as she could, but there’s no fighting it anymore.

“Well, I’m done playing nice with you humans. This was a mistake.”

It’s the last thing she hears before blackness overtakes her, a familiar chorus echoing through her mind. 

_\- - - - -_

_And meet me on the battlefield_  
_Even on the darkest night_  
_I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage_  
_And you will be mine_  
_Echos and the shots ring out_  
_We may be the first to fall_  
_Everything can stay the same or we could change it all  
_ _Meet me on the battlefield_

_\- - - - -_

Oxygen rushes back to her lungs, and Alex coughs when the pressure on her throat is relieved at long last, body sagging towards the gravel of the roof. She’s met with a familiar scene, with J’onn having saved her, and Astra whipping around with a “Kara...”

Alex rubs at her throat, still gasping for air and composing herself. She needs to stop Astra, but she can’t do that when she can’t even lift her weapon.

“I thought all of your kind were dead.”

“I am the last. Earth is my home now, and I will not let you take it from me.”

Those words make Alex look up, something niggling in the back of her brain. Astra knows J’onn, they’ve had this exchange before, why repeat it? Is this some kind of inside-joke between the two of them? It seems strange.

And, Alex realizes as she’s watching the two of them fight their aerial battle once again, why would Astra think it was Kara that ripped her away from Alex? Kara was knocked out, right over there—

She freezes when the spot where Kara had been before turns out to be empty. Had the DEO taken her in already?

When Astra and J’onn crash back on the roof of the building, Alex is reminded that she has a duty to perform now, she can consider things outside of this battle when they are no longer in said battle.

“Fear not, Martian. You will die a soldier’s death.”

She draws the weapon from her back without further thought, a blade pulled out of its sheath rather than the baton she assumes it to be, and she stops Astra. She lodges the blade between her shoulder blades, the place that instinctively had made the most sense when Astra turned against humanity, where the cure has to go through less bone and can go straight to her heart, and Astra stops.

J’onn is safe.

But, Alex realizes with horror, Astra is not. There hadn’t been enough time to process that the weapon she’d drawn was the green-glowing kryptonite sword she definitely didn’t bring for this mission, rather than the red-glowing stun baton. Their weights had been more similar than they had any right to be. She’s just stabbed Astra through the heart, killed her rather than subdued her, like she had the chance to last time.

Reality catches up with her quickly then: there was no last time, it had all been a hallucination while she was being choked out. 

Kara was out there fighting Non, and she’d just killed Kara’s aunt before they could reconnect.

All that bonding had been a fabrication of her mind to keep her safe, all that possibility ripped away in an instant, because Astra is bleeding out and has maybe minutes left to live.

_Shit._

She reaches for her earpiece. “Kara, get over here now. It’s Astra.”

It hurts, knowing the ‘what if’s, knowing things could have been happy for the three of them if things had just gone differently. But, when she looks at Astra, she knows it isn’t the Astra she got to know. This Astra never deferred.

It’s not her Astra, Alex tells herself, and will keep telling herself.

But it was still Kara’s Astra and, she realizes as she hears Kara land, she’ll have to explain why she killed her sister’s aunt.

_\- - - - -_

_We carry on through the storm_  
_Tired soldiers in this war  
_ _Remember what we're fighting for_


End file.
